It has been brought to my attention that some readers think the occasional humor I produce is sub-par and offensive. In fact, some of you may be reading this piece right now thinking, ‘gosh this isn’t funny at all’ and ‘I believe that I am offended’. Yes, I can understand why you might think that. So I will now explain why what you’re reading (and therefore everything I write) is extremely funny, and I’ll do it in a way that even the common layperson may understand:
f:X→Y [(Z2/(words(μ)×(penis joke/chauvinism) + x(fart)∞] /ψ(misplelings)
This is my patent-pending Charles Bunyion Humor Index Equation™.
As you can plainly see, if you take this simple equation and apply it to the piece that you are currently reading, even a commoner with a sixth-grade education will realize that mathematically this is a cleverly worded wonderfully humorous insightful observation on daily life. If you don’t think that it is, then more than likely you forgot to carry the two. That’s a common mistake. People also often forget to move the decimal place past the penis joke. If you fail to do that then yes, this is poorly written crap. And if you don’t divide Z2 by x(fart) then this piece is actually quite offensive racially.
So when reading satire, it’s important to perform proper math. I would suggest a calculator just to insure that you’re not offended and that you fully enjoy the hilarity and wisdom that the Simpleton Review provides to you each and every week.
If you are bored or offended by my writings due to poor math skills, I would suggest a course at Mathnasium or my new book, “A Humorless look at Humor.” I think you’ll find it well worth the $199.99, and a delightful read explaining why absolutely everything that I write is handcrafted, organically grown, and mathematically calculated to be extremely nasal milk-spewing funny every week no matter what. That’s my guarantee to you. Because, as you’ve just learned, consistently creating humorous writing is merely an exercise in math… mixed with the occasional bong hit.
Written by Charles Bunyion
Charles Bunyion is a business analyst who plans, conducts, and directs the analysis of business problems to be solved with automated systems and applications and partners with users to identify, evaluate, and develop systems and procedures which are cost effective and meet user requirements and on his off days writes satire.