I’m Sorry but that Hokey Pokey Crap’s Got to Go.

Music, Opinion, Uncategorized

2005_aYesterday my teacher, Mrs. Feldman, started singing Hokey Pokey  in class. Stick your right leg in… blah blah blah. I was all like “why don’t you just throw in some Mary had a Little Lamb and completely lame out music time”. She tells me to sit down. So I stand up and ask the class, “Do you want to Rock? I can’t hear you… I said do you want to Rock?!” Of course they do.

See Mrs. Feldman doesn’t get it. I’m all about the She’ll be Coming Around the Mountain you know what I’m saying? Real Rock. Not this Hokey Pokey crap. If I ran music time, I’d unleash some Row Row Row Your Boat.  I’d even bring a hot dish of Pop Go Tha Weezel to the Rock table. Oh hell yea!

Hokey Pokey? … lady come on! I can’t let this happen, so I whip out my Pop Go Tha Weezel, and she gets mad. My teacher’s all like “sit down or go to time out”, and I’m like “don’t try to hold down the power of Rock with your rules lady”. And she’s all like “okay no cookies during snack for you” and I’m like “I don’t need your cookies.” So then she puts me in timeout for 5 minutes. But I didn’t cry. That’s right. I’m a bad boy. I saw Jenny checking me out, and I threw her the Rock sign while I was Bad Boyin’ it doing my time. She knows I’m all about the Rock.

So when I finished, the first thing I did was jump on the teacher’s desk and fire up the greatest Rock classic of all time Old McDonald. Hell yea. Moo moo here, y’all, moo moo there. I swung my hips and the chicks went wild. I totally Rocked the horse and pig. Even my teacher was like Damn! He Rocks the McDonald. Then I slowed things down for the ladies with a little Twinkle Twinkle. Chics dig that. But you got to end big, so then I Rocked the close with This Old Man. He play two. Oh yea… He play nic nac on my shoe…

See my teacher just needs to know, when it comes to music time I bring the Rock like no other. Hokey Pokey is so pre pre-school man. When music time comes, I unleash the power of Rock and you suckas better back up and recognize.

By Sam Stillerman

Sam Stillerman is a pre-schooler at Happy Playtime Dayschool. He likes to chill out and listen to some This Old Man and drink juice boxes with his buddies. He wants to give a big shoutout to all the lovely ladies in Mrs. Davidson’s class. Keep it rocking Hapi Playz! Yea, you know what’s up.

Tips on Learning to Play the Cat

Advice, Cultural, Music

Nothing makes an evening more enjoyable than sitting around playing the Cat. Whether with a group of friends or on stage with a band, few instruments are blessed with the unique sound like that of a well-played Cat. Here are some pointers to get you on your way to playing the Cat.

1. It’s important to have good Cat-playing form. The traditional method is the “Stomp-and-Grab” method. Grab head, lift up while pinning body to ground with your left foot. Arc arm. Get a solid grip with your left hand and remember to breath.

2. With your right arm, squeeze your Cat. Did you notice the sound? Congratulations. That’s the first step toward being an accomplished Cat player.

3. Play around first. Squeeze your Cat in different areas and explore the tonal qualities of your new instrument. Once you feel comfortable try a simple song like “Mary had a little Lamb”.

4. Remember playing a Cat won’t come easily at first. So to become a good player you must do three things: Practice, practice and wear gloves.

5. If you know of friends who play the Cat, try “jamming” with them. It’s a fun way to learn.

Remember, you’re not going to be “rocking out” at first. Playing a Cat is difficult but with practice and commitment you’ll be able to squeeze sounds out of your Cat that you never knew existed.

Written by Bob Howdin

Bob is the owner of ‘Cats and Sundries’ a small coffee shop and animal rescue clinic on the corner of Main and Hemlock.  Look for his new book ‘Meow and Stomp – History of Cat Playing in the Appalachians’.