The Hangover Review

Food/Wine

PukingInToiletBeezle Brothers Black Mocha Stout – Though not a high-gravity beer, Beezle Bros. Black Mocha Stout provides one of the best locally brewed hangovers money can buy. Talk about mouthfeel, this beer has a medium-bodied amber spew that you’ll notice when “re-tasting” the quality craftsmanship onto the bathroom stall floor.

You’ll also get to enjoy the aroma of roasted malt with coffee undertones along with whatever you had for dinner as you rest your head on the toilet seat lid. Drinking a dozen of these, you can be assured the hangover fairy will leave a robust malty dump in your mouth – with just a hint of chocolate.

Black Mocha Stout goes well with pointless drunken ramblings, drunk-dialing an old girlfriend for an embarrassing bout of sex, or mistakenly peeing in your laundry basket before “going to sleep”. The headache is sublime and the accompanying dehydration is not unlike stuffing yeasty cotton balls down your throat.

The next morning, I suggest not eating until at least noon, unless you’d like to ‘re-taste’ the delicious Beezle Bros. Black Mocha Stout.

By Dan Stanter

Dan is beer, liquor and hangover enthusiast and connoisseur. Look for his new book coming out in the spring ‘I think I Wet Myself and I Don’t Know Were I Am – Humorous Adventures of a Chronic Alcoholic’.

Falafel Wheat-Germ Soyffalo Wings with Malted Barley Grit Fries.

Food/Wine

urlNothing fills the hungry soul after a tough day of yoga and pottery classes than a piping hot batch of Soyffallo Wings with a yummy bark dipping sauce.  You’ll swear you’re eating real Buffalo wings!

First take some delicious sticks, preferably oak (cedar works as well), and wrap them with falafel mix and wheat germ. Leave them in the sun for 20 minutes. In the meantime, boil down a cup of pine bark and add just a hint of rhubarb. When your wings are luke-warm, you know they’re ready. Dip and enjoy! I think you’ll find that they taste almost as sinful as real meat, without the gut-wrenching guilt and the loss of moral superiority. Top it off this wonderful meal with a batch of malted barley grit fries and a steaming cup of tea made from sorghum, grapefruit bioflavonoids and red marine algae… remember that’s got 40% kappa-sulfated polysaccharides and 5% sea phenolic! Delicious and spiritually nutritious!

Be sure to read next week where we’ll be showing you how to pull lettuce from your garden without offending it, and we’ll be asking ourselves:  Echinacea Angustifolia Root – is it the new Engelhardtia Chrysolepis? I think you’ll be surprised!

By Harvest Songlove

Harvest owns the ‘Gaia One-Love Sunshine Co-Op’ and an organic radish farm ‘Radish’n Out Some Love’  in Western North Carolina. He dabbles in crystal mediation and is head alderperson for the local Wiccan book club.

Tofu-B-Que Sandwich with a Fescue Salad

Food/Wine

Hungry for some pulled-pork but don’t want to offend Gaia by slaughtering an innocent animal? Then try a wonderful Tofu-B-Que sandwich.

Take a ½ pound of tofu, a cup of spelt and dorum flour mix, a teaspoon of milk thistle and  ¼ cup of micro-algae (a great source of natural astaxanthin). Stir gently in a bowl, but remember to apologize to the food for any crushing or mixing that occurs.

To cook, meditate over it 10 to 15 minutes with your third chakra Malachite stone, or microwave 1 to 2 minutes on high. When done, sandwich between two pieces of gluten-free recycled newspaper.

For the Fescue salad, pull two handfuls of grass from your backyard. Fescue is preferred but Kentucky Bluegrass works just as well. Sprinkle with salt water and fish oil, which is of course chocked full of yummy omega-3 polyunsaturated fatty acids. Simple and Delish!

Next week we’ll talk about white willow bark. Is it better to snort or to shoot? Also we’ll talk to our friends the tomatoes, and ask them… why do you cry?

By Harvest Songlove

Harvest owns the ‘Gaia One-Love Sunshine Co-Op’ and an organic radish farm ‘Radish’n Out Some Love’  in Western North Carolina. He dabbles in crystal mediation and is head alderperson for the local Wiccan book club.