I Take Offense to your Suggestion that Whoever Smelt it Dealt It

Opinion

Young man, I was merely pointing out to my wife an offending odor when you leveled your accusation at me, quite loudly I should add, eliciting laughs from fellow customers waiting in this line based on nothing more than hearsay. Your “Smelt it, Dealt it” theory is supported by scant evidence and I dare say flawed logic.

My olfactory senses are quite refined due to my years as an avid wine taster and this gives me a higher sensitivity to the currents of malodorous gases. If I wanted I could dissect this odor with great precision, but I do now wish to dwell in its contents, though I do detect a hint of curry. This ability to divine from the air a nasal malfeasance does not reflect a closer proximity to the point of origin and in no way makes me the creator of such a malevolent scent.

This “fart”, as you so crudely put it, appears to have wafted from your direction. Your shabby appearance and unkempt hair suggests a lack of cleanliness or concern for what odor may emanate from your own body. Your t-shirt demonstrates a basic lack of education, as most know that corn is spelled with a C not a K.

My embarrassed wife has just whispered into my ear that she is in fact the originator of this unique and musty bouquet and is asking me to stop conversing with you, so I shall step away and wait for the air currents of this Wal-Mart store to move her fragrant cloud elsewhere.

This revelation in no way lends credence to your untenable speculation and you are still nothing more than a charlatan of odor science. Now, I shall take my leave of you. I say good day.

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