There’s this thing and everyone likes it. Guess what? I don’t like it. I used to like it but now I don’t like it and will start telling you why in list form.
1. I’m sure that thing that I don’t like is racist, homophobic or misogynistic somehow. I don’t know how yet, but I’ll make the claim and someone in the comments section will figure it out.
2. The thing that does what it’s supposed to do, it works perfectly and that’s what’s wrong and stupid about it and you’re stupid.
3. You’re stupid
4. I’m a much more highly evolved person than most people that’s how I’m able to see fault in the thing that stupider people can’t see. Listen to me and I’ll help you become a better person like I am.
5. How can I stand-out from others if I don’t give horrible advice and ill-informed opinions based on my need for attention?
6. Please pay attention to me.
7. There’s this other thing. It’s not as good as the original thing but since I hate that original thing we should all like the other thing
8. This will set up my article next month where I discussed how I used to hate the thing but now I no longer hate it and only stupid people hate the thing I used to love then hated and now love again and will probably hate in the future.
9. Please like my article to give me the sweet relief of validation or call my mom and tell her I’m a real writer
10. If you guys can fight in the comment section that would be great. I’ll just be here naked with my coffee watching the stupider people argue over how dumb they are for liking and/or hating the thing I like and/or hate.