In the Event of Global Catastrophe, Stick Head Between Legs and Thank Yourself for Using GloboRescue Inc!

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imgresDo you lie awake at night wondering when the world will end? Will you be chosen for the Rapture? What if robots start a nuclear war? Could you really survive in a Mad Max post-apocalyptic desert landscape and successfully pull off the mohawk and leather look? I’ve got two words for you… You can’t!

GloboRescue Inc. is a worldwide organization who’s goal is to rescue you in the event of a total global catastrophe. How can we pull it off? With a team of super-trained elite ex-army soldiers stationed in strategic locations around the world just waiting to save you. That’s right.. you! Whether by jetpack, rocket ship or submarine, they’ll come to where you are and take you back to one of our super-secret bunker/resorts*. How will they find you? With our patented super-secret satellite technology.**

So we’re here to give you an introductory offer of just $2000/month. That’s right $2000 a month! For peace mind, I’d say it’s worth it. For a mere $2000/month plus a few startup/connection/legal fees not exceeding $4000.00 you can rest assured that if the world were to end, GloboRescue will be there to save you.

So when those aliens attack or zombies try to break down your door to eat your brains, or a meteor the size of Texas hits the Earth… stay calm. Just wait, we’ll be right there.*** We promise. We’re GloboRescue Inc.

*Clients cannot visit or see bunker/resort due to super-secretness of locations.
** Clients cannot see information on our super-secret satellites because of secretness and hi-techishnous of technology.
*** Results may vary.